Boundaries

by | Jan 7, 2021 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

You ever thought a lack of boundaries could put you in a position where you’d miss out on something amazing?! Well, neither did I. I always looked at boundaries as something you set in place for children, so they know what is expected of them… you know what they can’t do from what they can. Boundaries are so much more than that. Boundaries set the stage for your needs to be met. Boundaries cultivate better relationships. Boundaries teach you how to put yourself first. Ultimately, boundaries create an atmosphere for safety and for you to feel safe.

For over seven years, I gave away my peace. I said yes to things when I really wanted to say no. Situation after situation; I devalued my feelings to maintain peace. As much as it made other people happy, it built blocks of frustration that I would diminish and tuck away, downplaying the magnitude of a mounting pattern, particularly in my marriage.  

Shrinking and compromise.

The more I dimmed my light to appease others, the more I compromised who I was and what I could do. Walking through a place of invalidation and insecurity with the hopes that everyone’s needs will be met is called people-pleasing. The danger in people-pleasing is that you’ll become so comfortable doing it that you don’t realize there’s anything wrong with your behavior. Although people may praise you for being “kind” or “nice,” they’ll inadvertently or possibly even intentionally walk all over you like a doormat.

When I wrote “Power Of A Made Up Mind,” the Lord had been dealing with me with setting boundaries and maintaining them even when it made other people upset. I was uncomfortable, but I knew that I was even more uncomfortable settling for the person I thought I was rather than the person God called me to be. Past traumas had opened the door for a spirit of fear to come in through wounds. As I walk through this place of healing through motherhood, God has been showing me how vital walking in a made-up mind and firmly maintaining boundaries opens the door for the blessings He’s promised me. On the other hand, He has also highlighted how a lack of boundaries will position you to forfeit your blessings.

For example, Three ways you forfeit your blessings when you don’t set boundaries with people are:

  1. Giving away your peace. God said He gives you peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). When you lack healthy boundaries, essentially, you’re giving away your peace, which is also your guard. People will do whatever you let them do to you, resulting in frustration and feelings of confusion.
  2. You forfeit your freedom. The bible tells us whom the Son set free is free, indeed (John 8:36). Freedom means that nothing holds you down or keeps you bound; however, you often walk in people bondage when you lack boundaries with people. You become focused on what they might say or do to you if they don’t get their way. Sadly, you fail to realize that their needs are met at your expense.
  3. You walk in instability. James 1:7-8 speaks of the double-minded man being unstable in all of his ways. When you are harboring hurt on the inside, you operate from a place of brokenness. Our actions stemming from this brokenness is an indication that healing needs to occur. We are often unaware of the need to be healed, so we think that our actions toward people and situations are normal.

Just to recap, peace is a blessing; freedom is a blessing, and stability is a blessing! All of these blessings are promised to us in God’s word, meaning that they are true and available to all who want them. 

The next time someone tries to bully, manipulate, or take advantage of you and you start to justify their reasoning over your valid feelings as yourself, this question:

Am I willing to forfeit my blessings for their peace?