Divorce

by | May 15, 2020 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Breakup? Like, just walk away? How do you just leave what has brought so much into your life? 

 

It starts with a decision. Make a decision. Walk away. Give it all up because what’s the purpose of staying in a relationship that’s no longer serving you? 

That last statement may have come off rather selfish, but what’s the point of staying in a situationship that has served its purpose in your life? 

We often stay in situationships and relationships because we refuse to acknowledge that what once brought us comfort is now continuously causing us pain, and we’re so familiar with pain we are unaware that we’re even hurting. For this reason I chose divorce…

If I could have opened up about anything that led to the breakup… it is this…

Hey you, 

 

I remember the beginning of our relationship. The butterflies in my stomach, chills, sometimes you would even take my breath away. Even though you were so low key, you always knew the right things to say to me. Always over protective, so I wouldn’t get caught out there. I appreciated that so much then. It was so good to know that you were there for me, and you had my back…..

Funny, you really didn’t though, did you? You weren’t very honest. You moved in such a subtle way that I missed so many signs. I’d gotten comfortable with you being around that I missed so many red flags of our toxic situation. I wanted to move, grow, and be free but you would talk me out of it. You would spit things in my ear having me second guess myself. Reassuring me that if I made any wrong move that I would get caught out there, people would look at me funny, everyone would see how I wasn’t good enough because “maybe that just isn’t my thing”. Foolish me. I believed you. I thought you were right, thought you really was down for me. 

It’s funny really because you would remind me of how good I had it already, so why would  I switch anything up? So, I stayed. I didn’t switch much up. I reminded myself that I was appreciative of what I had, “it was good enough.” 

 All that changed when I met Him. 

He was a gentleman. So sweet. Never overstepped, but was very straightforward about His intention and what He desired. He let me be free. Honestly, I was a bit skeptical at first, but like any new thing the rush of fresh conversation, attention, new possibilities had me open! 

Why not have my cake and eat it too? For a while it seemed possible because He never forced me to leave you, but His very presence awakened something in my spirit where I  knew I’d been dragging you around like baggage from one season of my life to the next. It was exhausting, so I had to make a decision. You or Him. I chose Him. 

I chose divorce because you no longer served me anymore. I was tired of the toxicity of what was “us.” With this, I say goodbye fear.

 

All love lost,

 

Laurie

 

2 Timothy 1:7 New King James Version (NKJV)

7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

 

How often do we become comfortable with things that God hasn’t given us, yet we claim them as our own. They feel so right in our lives when we invite them in to fill voids in empty areas inside our souls, but after a while we realize all we’ve done is put a bandaid on a severe wound.

A band aid is a temporary solution for a minor wound. There is no way a band aid can effectively provide you with relief from the very broken place on the inside of you. There comes a point in your life where you can no longer attempt to fill the void with things such as drugs, empty sexual relationships, busyness, alcohol, excessive binging on tv, or excessive shopping.  

At some point you have to take responsibility to heal. Healing is your responsibility. It;s not your fault what they did to you. It’s not your fault that they rejected you. It’s not your fault that they violated.  Even if you did play a part in what caused your brokenness, take heart that Jesus can handle broken. 

Psalm 147:3 New King James Version (NKJV)

3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

 

During my situationship with fear, I hid behind me overly cautious. Fear was very reassuring in the face of new things, and I would always find a way around something that would arise and present itself as challenging. When I was a sophomore we began to talk about declaring a major. I always wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, or teacher. Since I disliked science,  math, and any classes that had to do with being a poli- sci major, education it was. When I began to look over my options I noticed that  in order to get into the education program you had to interview. The very thought of interviewing for the program immediately sent me into a panic. I quickly dismissed that thought and settled for health education because i didn’t have to interview for that major. 

See the spirit of fear had come into my life as early as kindergarten. By the time I reached college we were well acquainted. Fear had shaped my life in many areas including relationships. It took me 25 years of my life to finally divorce fear. It had no right to move with me anymore. God gave me this clarity in the midst of my healing that helped me to acknowledge that walking in my purpose could no longer be put off.  I had a choice. I could stay in bondage and dead situations, or I could walk in complete and total freedom allowing Jesus to heal and set me free.

I chose freedom. 

John 8:36 Amplified Bible (AMP)

36 So if the Son makes you free, then you are unquestionably free.

 

2018- I began my exodus. 

2019- I was fully free and made up my mind to never go back into “my Egypt.”

With this last day of the year…

 this last day of this decade…

What will you divorce that’s no longer serving you?