Dressed Differently

by | May 28, 2020 | Uncategorized | 0 comments



Let’s talk about it… 


I know that we are in a time where mental health has been at the forefront of a lot of people’s minds. Unfortunately, discussing depression in 2020 is still quite taboo. Many try to walk around as if nothing is happening, nothing is going on. 


They sweep issues under the rug… they tell you it’s just in your mind… you’ll be OK… 


They simply refuse to acknowledge when there’s a problem.


In my personal opinion, I believe it’s about high time that we stop acting like absolutely nothing is wrong. Now is the time to acknowledge the things that we have mentally brushed to the back of our minds…as if to hide it under a nice fancy looking rug trying not to face the mental challenges that heavily weigh on us. I’ll be the first to say, don’t be self-conscious about people’s perception of you. 


Don’t care who you think will label you, or not except you, or won’t understand where are you were coming from. 


There is somebody out there who can help.  My prayer, find the courage to speak up. 


Advocate for yourself. 


Tell someone what you need.


Depression and I are not strangers.


Depression was a struggle I’ve faced since elementary school. My fondest memory was sixth grade, just sitting there completely spaced out. My teacher was pretty dope though. He would ask me where are you today and I will tell him things like I’m in space. I vividly remember sitting there feeling like I was literally in space. Looking back now I realize that a lot of the dark places that I went through in elementary school and the people who contributed to those feelings of alienation were going through some really dark stuff too.


Sometimes when we’re going through and feel pained by people around us we don’t really consider that the treatment felt at the hands of others, stems from brokenness they’re walking through. Sometimes their brokenness will spill over into how they govern themselves and in turn those same hurt people will hurt other people. Fast forward to my sophomore or junior year in college. I was in a serious relationship with my then fiancé. During those years we married.. he also joined the military and about a month later he went off for training. At that time I worked full-time(overnight dealing with freight) and went to school full-time, but Little did I know that in the midst of all of that I was also pregnant. One night we were out with friends and something wasn’t quite right. We got back home and I realized that I was bleeding, so he and my mom took me to the ER.


 I lost the baby that day. 


It was devastating. I remember being wheeled from the ultrasound room heartbroken. 


My words to my angel baby… I didn’t get a chance to meet you but I love you. The following days were very dark. 


I was very depressed.


The emotional pain was so heavy that one night while at work I  felt so overwhelmed.  People would just be in close proximity to me and I would begin to cry. They wouldn’t even be talking to me, but I would just start crying and had to go home. 


I spent days in the dark, not wanting to get out of the bed, not wanting to be around anyone. 


One day I said to myself I can’t stay in this place, I refuse to stay in this place…I know what it feels like to be depressed and I just can’t go back there again. 


In this rough place my faith took a turn I didn’t expect. Although the previous year I gave my life to Christ, I wasn’t living for Him. There was no relationship between us. This loss was the catalyst to the building of a beautiful albeit rocky friendship. It was at that point my decision to get to know Him was made. 


Anyway, depression is one of those spirits that hoovers over an individual, just like the commercial. It is very big and gloomy like a cloud over you. There are steps you can take and even certain medications that will shrink the cloud. Unfortunately, it will literally follow you.


You might feel happy or experience joy but the reality is that it never goes away until you begin to deal with it. You have to make a decision to push past where you are and seek help. 


Matthew 7:7 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Prayer and the Golden Rule

7 “Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock and keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.


Fast forward about 10 years later, divorce hits and guess what decides to show up again… Depression. Now I kept saying to myself I can’t be depressed. I refuse to be depressed. I know what it means to be depressed and you don’t have any place in me. Upon reflection, I realized that sometimes we can do this thing where we try not to acknowledge that the spirit can be there. We may make an attempt to bypass it instead of considering the possibility that it has returned.  Struggles tried to consume me as a result of rejection, brokenness, failure, and motherhood. It was overwhelming.


Depression showed up in a different way, it was dressed differently to the point of being unrecognizable. What prompted me to the possibility of a functioning depression was that after moving about my day-to-day, in my downtime I would just lay on the floor neglecting myself. After being prayed over and God calling depression out, I made the decision to not foster an environment for it to grow.


What are you doing or not doing that may provide a nourishing environment for depression to thrive?


Let me encourage you…sometimes we go through these very dark places and we don’t know how to come out of them. Sometimes we will stay in that place but put on this brave front for everybody else leading people to never suspect that we are struggling with something so dark and heavy.


Let me just tell you that there is indeed Hope, and the first step to coming out on the other side of depression is admitting that there’s a problem. 


Psalm 42:11 

 Why, I ask myself, are you so depressed? Why are you so upset inside? Hope in God! Because I will again give him thanks, my saving presence and my God.


 I didn’t know how to heal and mother at the same time, but I figured it out. It started by talking about it. By the grace of God, I’m able to foster a healthy space for other moms to do the same in Heart 2 HEaRts.


If you stay in a place of denial you’ll never face the true problem, but if you acknowledge that there is a problem then you know that you can indeed get help for it because it has been identified in your life.