Heart

by | May 14, 2020 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

As I sat there in the truck with tears streaming down my face, struggling to be vulnerable before God, I realized I had been boxed in…

For quite some time the weight of feeling like I wasn’t valuable or that I wasn’t contributing to my household monetarily had been weighing on me(weighing me down really).

Yes, many people who I’ve come in contact with have complimented me on how well I’m doing with my children, but all I saw was a failure. See, too often on social media people post what they want you to see, but as the saying goes “you don’t see no one posting their failures”. Well, I’ve learned that there is a “breaking” in my vulnerability. The more broken the walls are that I’ve created on the inside, the closer I get to God… this is where I feel His presence. It’s there in my vulnerability that I can just throw all my feelings on the table.

So right there in the truck, parked in my driveway, I just sat there trying so hard to release my frustrations. Release the frustration of tackling motherhood, release the frustration of dealing with emotional wounds, release the frustrations of not being able to open up because I’d learned how to stuff my feelings very well…

As I fumbled around with my words for a bit, it finally came out, the piece of revelation that would free me up from the weight of some of my frustrations… “I am frustrated because I had stopped living.” I was faced with such a major life change and I didn’t know who I was… I had boxed myself into settling and over the past few years, FEAR had reinforced this raggedy box. Who was I apart from the marriage and children? Was I capable of doing anything else, taking care of them had become my life?

Y’all God is so faithful. He smashed that box wide open… sadly all I could see was the mountain of fear that stood right outside the box. How could I get past fear? It had become my cloak all these years. Overthinking, loneliness, and indecision had become like friends to me. How could I break free? I had to shift.

I shifted my mindset. I stopped believing the lies about myself that I’d grown so accustomed to.

Fear will cripple you if you allow it to. It will keep you in a slump to the point where you will mistakenly believe the lies of being unworthy, taking them on as if they were your truth. Before you know it you will walk in that lie, and bear the weight of those false words. I allowed fear to ruin my life for far too long, so I began to unpack all the things that I had neatly stuffed away in my bag in this box!

Rejection, abandonment, fear, people-pleasing, anger, unexpressed frustration, denial of my feelings, not showing up for myself, and unworthiness all were unpacked. Although initially, I may not have dealt with them, they had shaped my life in such a way that I was trapped in the notion that as long as everyone else in my family was good then I was okay.

I wasn’t okay…

I allowed the “stuffing” of all these things to occupy space in my heart, thus shaping my perspective of who I was, what I was worthy of, and what I deserved. I had to deal with my heart issues to walk in freedom.

God was so intentional with me and my freedom. He allowed me to experience what I thought I wanted because well He gives us free will. We have the power to make our own choices. The closer I got to Him the more I realized that I was settling with something less than what He wanted for me.

God will often disrupt your life to get your attention. He will allow you to go through some hard places for you to realize just how much you have taken control of your life and limited His movement. Again we have free will and choice, but God’s will for our lives is so much better than we could ever imagine.

So if you’re in a place where you feel boxed in, chances are a big shift is on the horizon for you. You may begin to see your situation and yourself in a whole new light. God is always ready to deal with us and the things we don’t even realize have shaped who we become. If you are unhappy with where and who you are, then my question to you is when are you going to decide to face your “bags” and begin to unpack those things that have shaped your perspective? When will you make up your mind to heal and walk in freedom, purpose and true identity? You’d be surprised at all God has in store for you on the other side of healing and surrender to Him.

A byproduct of God freeing me was the book He laid on my heart to write. It is called, “Power of a Made Up Mind”. It details how to heal heart issues to walk in freedom! You are destined for more than what you have settled for, so grab your copy today and begin to heal so you can walk in freedom too!